Publicly humiliating myself one pound at a time!
Thursday 6/30/11 - DAY 18
Slacking, I know!! Slacking on weight loss, slacking on blogging, slacking on getting the additional pages of my blog (About Me, Contact Me, etc) up and running, slacking on adding Facebook/Twitter to my blog...the list could go on and on after 31 years of slacking. One thing I did FINALLY not slack on this week was learning to use a sewing machine my Mom gave me so I could screw up hemming my own expensive designer jeans instead of paying someone else to screw them up. I am finally at that age where I can no longer keep up with what decade fashion is in...it all looks like 70's/80's to me and it has for a while now. Anyway; I had recently bought a few long flowy dresses that I figured would be comfortable for the unbearable muggy heat of the South and would also manage to hide my unusually LARGE calves...seriously if I could afford liposuction, I would just get it in my calves. No amount of weight loss shrinks these puppies. I have to get knee-high boots specially stretched to fit my calves or have an elastic wedge added at the seam. Not kidding!!
I will do better tomorrow, promise. Hope everyone is gearing up for 4th of July.
Love Penny
Monday 6/27/11 - DAY 15
So here it goes...I drank Saturday night...A LOT!! I had sort of planned on it and was willing to give up my 13 days of sobriety to go to a friends cabin for the night and listen to the Cicadas and hang out in the hottub (we purposely left cold because it was 98 degrees out...at midnight) and look up at the stars. We got there around 4pm and I instantly chugged 3 Coors Lights in about 20 minutes not even meaning to; they were DELICIOUS!! We proceeded to finish a case of beer, two shots of tequila each, almost a whole magnum of White Wine with our steaks/grilled Veggies, and then I believe a few Vodkas mixed with Mountain Dew...who does that???
I hopped right back on the wagon yesterday for another two weeks of this because I honestly am having fun with it and feel great. Because of Saturday I had to forego the diet yesterday and get a little grease in my belly so I ate Papa Johns. I weighed yesterday about 3 pieces into my large pizza and I was at 153.0lbs...I was too afraid to weigh this morning after driving through Micky D's around 9pm for a Big Mac, Chicken Nuggets, and fries.
Hope everyone had a good weekend!
Three day weekend coming up....yeah buddy!
Saturday 6/25/11 - DAY 13
153.6lbs
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I could not have done it without this sweet little baby blog of mine.
Remember a few days ago I explained that I had technically been on this diet for a month, but was not strictly following it therefore was not losing very much weight considering the TINY minuscule fraction of food/calories/fat I was consuming compared to my regular routine. Well; if you count from my original start date a little over 4 weeks ago at my original topped-out weight of 163lbs as of today I have lost 10lbs...YAY ME!! THAT is actually a pretty damn good (and steadily healthy) weight loss.
I know I said I try not to get on the computer on weekends, but another goal of mine of late is to be consistent and because I did not write yesterday I wanted to make sure I did today. I am also contemplating a semi-large change in my personal life and was struggling a bit with it yesterday, so I really didn't know what to say without launching into the entire saga.
Cheers to a fantastic weekend and still weighing 153lbs by Monday.
Penny~
Thursday 6/23/11 - DAY 11
I am just going to come right out and say it.....I ate a corndog.....YUM!! I ate it around midnight last night. In case your thinking I have a dirty little secret of eating corndogs at midnight I don't; but my friend does. My dirty secret midnight snack is breaded chicken nuggets. I went over to a friends house to hang out and around midnight he realized he had not had dinner. So he pulls out an economy pack of corndogs from his freezer (strange, but okay) and proceeds to make four because that is how many he usually eats...apparently this is normal for a recently divorced, 40 something year old. Who knew!
I stuck to my guns and did not have any wine though. I had had a pretty light dinner before going over and did not feel like it would break the bank so to speak. As you can see, I still lost a little. I probably would have lost a bit more had I resisted the corndog but seriously people; who passes up a hotdog deepfried in pancake batter...who passes up a hotdog in any form??? I remember as a
Happy Thursday, Folks!! Thursday is my favorite day of the week, ask me why.
Penny~
Wednesday 6/22/11 - Day 10
Today marks one month since I originally started this diet but was not following it as strictly as I have been for the past 10 days. Since my original start I have gone from 163lbs to 154.8...roughly 8lbs. That is an average of 2lbs a week which I think is very strong and steady. If I can keep up this pace or even pick it up a little, in less then 3 months I could be near my goal and have lost 13 years worth of weight.
The funny thing is how it takes us years to pack on large amounts of weight, but if we put in just a little effort it can take less then a year to get it off. I always struggled with my weight; I remember hitting the 100lb mark at 10 years old and feeling devastated...I felt so disgusting. I was uncomfortable with my weight all through my teenage years, but I suspect that had a lot to do with my general unhappiness in life more then it did my weight. When I was on my own at 17 I really started struggling with my weight. I remember going from 118lbs to 123lbs in no time. Over the next 10+ years I steadily gained another 40lbs until a month ago at 31 years old I topped out at 163lbs.
I have some deep underlining feeling of abandonment and neglect that makes me literally lunge for food when it is put in front of me. A need to sort of hoard it when I can get it incase that is the last time I ever get to have it again...what the hell is wrong with me? Although I am totally aware of this issue inside me, I still tend to act it out. I am a grown woman that realistically knows these feelings are from my past and have nothing to do with my present situation, but I still feel like I eat like it is my last meal on earth. I am mortified to eat in front of others for fear that someone will recognize this in me or think I am gross because I feel so desperate when food is around. Last night Mountain Man and I went out to eat. The waitress set a bowl of Queso and Chips in front of us and I watched Mountain Man eat the entire bowl without me taking a single chip. THAT is a level of self-control I have not been able to achieve ever!! The important part was talking myself down and telling myself that there will come a time I can have cheese dip again...or fries...or a beer, but that I don't need to jump at EVERY single opportunity as if it is my last when it comes to food.
Happy Hump Day!
Tuesday 6/21/22 - DAY 9
I suck, I did not exercise last night. Mountain Man came into town to stay a few days and I made steak fajitas instead. I wanted to still try and eat before 7pm so I didn't have time to go to the gym before. I put my fajitas over a bed of lettuce instead of using tortillas and just cut up the avocado into slices instead of making guacamole (less sodium).
Feelin good!!
Monday 6/20/11 - DAY 8
155.8 lbs
I am terrible at making time to jump on the computer during the weekends...honestly I try to stay away from this life-sucking device on weekends. I work a job that is 80% deskwork and I stare at a computer until my eyes are bloodshot every day looking at Facebook. I get a little work done. So on weekends it is good for me to try and actually live life rather then watching everyone else' lives via FB.
I stuck to my guns for the most part...the important parts, no booze or caffeine. Mountain Man won two free Catfish Dinners in a canoe race to this place way out in the boondocks, so Friday night we did that. I ate a piece of Catfish (with tarter sauce of course) and a couple spoonfuls of baked beans. I stayed over and helped him continue building a deck around the pool for his folks, then it got too hot so I floated in the pool while watching my hunky Mountain Man all tan and sweaty finish the job with his buddy.
Saturday night I went out with all my friends and family and genuinely had a ball while drinking soda water and lime all night. It was really fun and made me proud of myself. I looked pretty hot too if I might say so.
Sunday my best friend Boo wanted me to get our boat in the river and ferry everyone over to the sandbar. It was HOT!!! But a blast no less and everyone was really supportive of me not drinking while they chugged Peach Burnett's Vodka and scarfed down pieces of Watermelon soaked in Malibu Rum...can't make this shit up, folks! The best part of my weekend...me getting the trailer hitched to my truck ALL BY MYSELF, me getting the boat in the water ALL BY MYSELF (with me telling Boo what she needed to do), me getting the boat back on the trailer ALL BY MYSELF (with Boo's help of course), and backed into my driveway perfectly ALL BY MYSELF!!! I may be a princess from time to time but I am a California Cowgirl at heart who doesn't need a guys help to do things.
My goal is to have done some sort of exercise to talk about by tomorrow...obviously I did not use beers as dumbbells, I sat in the water all day, got heatstroke, and passed my fat ass out on the couch by 6pm.
Cheers to Monday, Folks!
Penny~
Thursday 6/16/11 - DAY 4
156.4lbs
Not too bad! As my good friend Le Petite put it to me this morning "slow and steady wins the race"...obviously she has a much more positive outlook on life then I do.
In case you are wondering I did not kill the Nutjob at dinner last night. Mountain Man didn't want to come into town for dinner, so I invited my friend Paco (no I did not make up that name) that is always up for a nice dinner and some cocktails - no worries, I drank club soda with lime ALL NIGHT LONG. I like that better then water because people just assume your drinking Vodka and they leave you alone. And the spritz puts a little spring in my step 
For dinner I had Baked Cod with vegetables...not as fulfilling as a Papa John's pizza or a Big Mac, but I suspect may have a few less calories.
Dinner was very nice. It was fun to watch my Mom reminisce with our family friend she has known for almost 40 years. Afterwards Paco and I made our rounds to a couple other bars to see who was out and say hi to a few folks. Me, myself, and I continued to drink club soda.
Can I just say how terrified I have been each and every day this week to step on that scale. The thing is; I am basically STARVING myself (not really, but if it's not Mc Donald's I don't consider it real food) and I don't feel like I've lost any weight. I'll explain later, but I actually started this diet about a month ago when I was 163lbs which is THE MOST I have ever been in my entire life. I was giving myself one "off day" on Sundays to eat a little more and drink a few low-cal beers, but that was turning into Friday, Saturday, Sunday "off days" and although I obviously lost a couple pounds I really haven't lost much for going on my 5th week of this. Sooooo...that is where this little blog idea came into play. I had hit rock bottom AGAIN on Monday and felt like crap about myself for spending my mother's money all this money on www.arbonne.com diet plan. Le Petite gave me a little peptalk at Starbucks and on my way to work I dreamed up this little gem of a blog.
I know what your thinking..."is there any exercise to go with this diet plan?"...duh, of course there is but who the hell wants to workout? So yes I will introduce some cardio into my routine over weekend...I'll use my beers as dumbbells and run in circles around the sandbar I will be taking my boat to. How's that for motivated!!
Hah! Have a great weekend y'all.
Penny~
Wednesday 6/15/11 - DAY 3
I couldn't weigh this morning because I was at Mountain Man's house last night and they didn't have a scale.
I am really not sure how I did last night...I was already in a bad mood when I got there. It was 90+ degrees and felt like 120 with the humidity. He lives with his folks (a situation I will explain at a later date) and they are out of town, so as a surprise for Mother's/Father's Day he is building them a deck around their pool while they are away. Not that that matters because he would have wanted to sit in the backyard all afternoon/night regardless of having a project because he is "from the country and that is what they do out there". I can't as much as make a peep about the mosquitos or the flies and he rolls his eyes and dives into this long saga about how country folk don't mind that kind of stuff and "you think this is bad, you have no idea how bad we had it this one time...blah, blah, blah". He also has a few extracurricular activities that I am not too fond of that can only be done outside (again; a situation I will talk about at a later date).
Anyways; Focus Penny....Focus!! I grabbed a cart of cherry tomatoes and some Gluten Free pretzels on my way out there in hopes that would deter me from the gobs of chips and dips they have at their house. I started popping the tomatoes like they were candy and chugging down water trying to make myself full. It was like the more of that I consumed, the louder my stomach growled. I grabbed a few pieces of fresh cut deli turkey from the fridge - healthy, right? He had invited another couple over as well and they were bringing dinner...bbq'd chicken on the grill, potato salad, baked beans, garlic toast, and a salad that had more shredded cheese in it then lettuce...OH GEEZ, I'm screwed. I gave myself a little positive peptalk and kept on with the tomatoes and water. Did I mention they polished off half a case of beer as well...I LOVE BEER!! I might as well get that out in the open now.
Because they are guys and they tend to sweat out 10lbs a day just with their regular routine they really don't care what time of night they eat. I however am suppose to stick to having my last meal no later then 7pm. Around 9pm...Not Joking, 9pm they finally light the grill and get started. I asked them to leave a few pieces without bbq sauce. I caved into about 2 heaping tablespoons of potato salad, a little regular salad, and a drumstick and two wings. I almost burst into tears watching them eat that garlic toast.
This is my personality; overall I do not think I did that bad considering, but I feel like I failed miserably. at 31 years old I have still not found the culprit that instilled such negativity in me at such a young age that it has stuck my entire life.
Tonight...I have dinner with my folks and an old family friend that is visiting from Hawaii. My folks are the type of people who feel like every time they go out or do anything really at all it is a special occasion that calls for a drink, a toast, a fancy meal. Seriously; the Nutjob (my Mother) can use the excuse that she had her nails done to say they should eat out, have drinks, and make a toast every five seconds. I guess I should mention that the Latin (my Stepdad) is from South America and supposedly down there they toast to everything; he also says "Salute" instead "Cheers". My folks are and live in the exact opposite world of Mountain Man. So YAY ME; another night of trying not to burst into tears while watching all this great food/booze go by me. And that is actually the easy part...the hard part will be trying not to jump across the table and strangle the Nutjob after she has had a few drinks and starts talking in her baby voice to me.
Cheers! Penny~
Tuesday 6/14/11 - DAY 2
157.6lbs
I am going to see my Mountain Man (boyfriend) tonight at his house and I am a little nervous...dieting works really well as long as you never eat out, go out, visit other people's houses, have lunch with anyone or do anything but work and home. So even though I am only on Day 3 it will be the first time I am doing anything but work and home. I will actually be seeing food/drinks I can not have. I will have to socialize with him and his friends and continually turn down beers as if I am some strange alien from another planet. He is a true Mountain Man...meat and potatoes all the way. I say "I have to try and be healthy, make dinners that are mainly lean meat and vegetables". He says "I got Cheddar Bratwurst, so you could have something healthy".